This story tells of a journey a girl embarked. It's a very different one, where the destination and the starting point are the same. It's only ‘the journey’ itself, a circular one, a completion, an infinite cycle.
Her journey began the moment she saw ‘him’, the possibility of reaching him was the purpose of this journey. It was a journey she undertook alone and accompanied herself. At first, she didn't realize that was a ‘journey’. The only thing that mattered to her was the destination point: ‘him’. She embarked on a path where she desired her star, yet couldn't see the journey. She had already begun facing the adventures, challenges, surprises, hopes, and despairs, along with all other external factors that the road would bring her. Her confrontation to the challenges she encountered was not for the joy she received from the journey but merely the degree of fervor to attain the destination she desired.
The distant shining star always seemed so close, as if she could reach out and grasp it, urging her to take each step with the same enthusiasm and desire.
Just as she reached out her hand, the illusionist of the night vanished. Was it perhaps farther than she thought, or was it a perceptual illusion? But… her star, it never disappeared!..
She thought the only obstacle between them was distance. Once she bridged this distance, she would reach her star, her light! There were moments when she lost hope and gave up. Yet, in those times, her star winked from afar as if to show her, "No, I haven't left, I'm here. Just further than you think. Get up, continue your journey, come to me!" as if urging her.
As months turned into years while she said, "I'm getting closer… I’m about to reach you… I've fallen short of your distance again…"...
Her efforts to reach the star only strengthened the spiritual bond she had with him, a longing that grew like an avalanche within her…
Though at times it seemed as if he disappeared behind the clouds, at the moment of her deepest despair, he reappeared, offering her new hopes and courage to continue her journey. Oh!.. Her beautiful star… Her beloved… She would gaze at the sky, admiring his radiant and enticing brightness amidst the dark void.
She tried again and again, repeatedly... Throughout this process, she realized how much progress she had made, how many different feelings and experiences she had gone through. Her direction was always towards her star, upward. She looked down and saw how high she had risen. Strangely, whenever she looked up, the distance to her star seemed to widen, despite the star was always in the same spot. How could this be possible?..
Nevertheless, she persisted. This time she would succeed. Her star seemed now very close, dazzling her with all his clarity and brightness. Had she finally reached him, or was this another illusion? No!.. this time felt different. The star was closer than ever, and her eyes were so helpless they couldn't bear to look at his beauty. As she looked back, she wanted to see how far she had come. Yes, this was the end of the road!.. There was nothing beyond...
With the last strength left in her hands, she reached out towards the star, and the moment she opened her eyes, it was morning! Where was he?! Where was her star?! She wouldn't go any further this time; instead he should come to her! She was determined not to move a muscle from her place. She had once reached him; she had traveled so far for him. Now what caused her to lose him again?! This time, he would come to her...
She became the watcher of the night. Her days turned into nights, and the nights turned into hopes she awaited for the light of her star. Night and day blurred into one another. She waited, she longed.. He didn't come... She continued waiting motionless... In the dark... In her own darkness... There was nothing left for her anymore… no star, no path… She remained empty and purposeless.
Then she became angry. She judged. She rebelled... Her soul experienced all the falls, and eventually, it grew tired. She decided to move… to recover... She believed she had the right to ask him at least. Just when she felt the reality so strongly, just as she felt she had finally reached... "Why?!" "Why?!"...
At that very moment, a scream burst from within. A shout... a call from the depths of her soul... a pray... And then, she began to see a light! As she tried to figure out where the light came from, she realized it came from within her, shining so brightly!.. "When did I become the light itself?" she wondered.
The place where she stood was no longer dark. She looked up… looked down… saw no difference. She couldn't even see the path she had once taken anymore. She was so high up... just like her star shining down on those below... just like he shone on her...
With time, she realized something... she was a night traveler... it wasn't she who chose this journey; her ‘Star’ chose it for her... Her reward wasn't the light she would find at the end but the journey itself, being the light at the end of the journey.
Now, from where she stood, she could see the merits and necessities of her journey more clearly. As high as she ascended towards ‘Him’, she delved equally deep into her own depths. While she searched for her star above, she found Him within herself. This journey was a night journey. The directions and distances of daytime travelers are clear. Not everyone can embark on a nighttime journey. In a nighttime journey, one finds their own path... discovers their own light... Because a nighttime journey is a journey into one's own depths, into one's own darkness... where the only thing sought is light... and in the end, one becomes the light itself.
